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Couple of weeks ago I decided that finally it is time to face my own story and read the diary I wrote from the ten years period in the desert. I can say it is a very hard shadow-work with lots of surprises. For example how your own brain fools you to remember things or forgot things. Sometimes it happens for your own protection, sometimes your own projection changes the story. I got a friendly advice to be careful if you visit dark places, do it in small doses. I will always be grateful for that one. I had my first K.O. straight at the beginning but I had the courage to continue slower. After all it is my own journey, my honest self speaking about the experience, the “whole” of it, the fears, the hopes, the wonders, the nightmares. There are hardcore facts I forgot, there are times I would say no I did not do that but there are also times when I could say wow now I got it why, and wow I was actually standing against them all and wow how the heck did I pull up so much strength.

Questions raised: how much does it take to sell your soul to a system and join in to their dividing policy and starts to hate an other group just because the whole system based on it?

It was a great preparation for the 2020 deception.

This diary is also a map of my personality, how I changed and how my perception opened up and started to understand the bigger picture.

There is a movie which reminded me that hardship. It is "The Wall" (2017) It is full of strategy and cleverness. But if you manage to understand it in a subtle level, it gives you much more about the opponents, about the perspectives and other forces in action.

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