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Mouth of Men

I had a dream about Ireland before I settled down. That dream was my safe Heaven. Every time there was a very serious situation which required me to stand my ground for human and woman rights in the Middle East, I imagined that my blessing was waiting for me in Ireland where they are waiting for me with welcoming heart. I closed my eyes, I locked out all outside horror, and I was dreaming about the time when I would live in Ireland surrounded by love.

I was not aware that being independent in a world owned by man is the biggest sin in a woman in Europe as well. I was not aware that mouth of rejected men would destroy my reputation and despite the fact what I have done for Humanity, some village-men with a dirty mouth would be enough to encourage a whole village to turn against me. I could not imagine that the words of a villagers will be loud, and I will be the one silenced despite the fact of all of my history. But the truth is, nobody cared. Nobody listened. Nobody believed. I was just a woman WITHOUT 'AN OWNER' who DID NOT GET PERMISSION TO SPEAK. They have different values here. What they call brave here is when thousand fat pigs go against one small girl. I remember asking help from couple of men who looked responsible, and I was blocked out straight or I got the most hurting reply that their village reputation is much more important than to risk it for an 'unknown' (or unowned) girl in danger. Or simply I got the shout at my face to take my 'shit' somewhere else. I was blocked out, and blocked out, and blocked out again. I counted all together and made a list of 34 men who assaulted me in any form verbally or physically at least once. I did not count the women who was triggered against me by these men and attacked me from jelousy. If I found someone who finally listened, it turned out they collected information to know what I like, so they could hurt me deeper to taking away what I cared for when they humiliate me publicly. When I hear story about how they mistreat women in the world, I had this huge alert in me that I have to go there because If I were there, there would be different. I heard about the girls who were taken to Tuam. I came. I believed that I would be the change. They would not dare to do that with me. BUT THE TRUTH IS, THEY DID.

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