Shadow Work

This retrograde-complex (7 planets in retrograde + Chiron) brought an opportunity to the deepest clearance and healing by revisiting traumas with the guidance of Chiron. It could be heavily felt from the majestic Lion gate. Instead of the Lion’s Royal entrance in this year he came in the shape of Chiron, the wounded healer with a torch in his hand to burn all the obstackle we have built to turn blind eyes towards our shadow. He came for all of us who dared to take the ride. He purged from one timeline to an other backwards, opening one wound into an other to reach down to the inner child’s most precious pain. (For myself I have reached down to revisit my 4 years old me grieving for the loss of my father and raging against lost protection. The rage and the emotions I have never known exists, was closed down under the most secured blockage.) Chiron came and opened a gate to visit all your traumas from the latest backwards to the earliest and gave a new perspective by lining them up by their purpose and drawing up a straight line how those wounds connected. All has been aligned and it has provided the most fascinating vision to see it moving as a well-orchastrated master piece with every figure and person consciously or unconsciously playing a special part in it; all of them from the abuser to the healer to helping you to open your eyes, to see beyond, to see the bigger picture and to become the One, you are destined to be. There is one word for it… Grace.

“What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery, and without it, all the rest are not only useless, but disastrous.” 𓆙𓋹⃤ 𓆙 Thomas Merton - source Kari Davis

Photo source: perfect storm

'Love and Light only' and other viruses

I met this “love and light only” community in so many places, it infected lots of spiritual and Joga communities as well. It is hard to see and explain to those who are not willing to face their own shadow why it is so dangerous to stuck in a loop of “safe bubble” where nothing grows other than repetition of old mistakes, since the reflection is completely denied.

There is a saying that ”enlightment is a lot like dying, that is the reason why only there is a few who reach it”. The road what takes to reach wholeness goes through integration. You can not be whole by declaring only the light part. Real, authentic personality requires you to face your own shadow, to deal with your buried nightmares, investigate them, learn about the ingredients, dissect them and understand its operation. All the surpressed trauma you are not willing to deal with, will come back as a trigger or projection and makes you repeat the same old mistake until you find the key in your own story. That is a hardcore path, going through and revisiting nightmares one after an other, cleaning up wounds and feeling it completely to let it wash out to the deepest. It is painful, it is hard. Sometimes you rage, sometimes you meet emotions you do not even thought exist. But facing the dragon is the only way to get the gold. It is your decision to make, to be a surface scratcher who put the hands on their ears not to hear the noise and close their eyes not to see any bad and marching through life like nothing happened desperately hanging to the light, like a damn midge around the lamp or get that ride to the deep, face it, feel it, and dive as deep as you can, conquare realms nobody ever visited before.

The choice is yours.

Mouth of Men

I had a dream about Ireland before I settled down. That dream was my safe Heaven. Every time there was a very serious situation which required me to stand my ground for human and woman rights in the Middle East, I imagined that my blessing was waiting for me in Ireland where they are waiting for me with welcoming heart. I closed my eyes, I locked out all outside horror, and I was dreaming about the time when I would live in Ireland surrounded by love.

I was not aware that being independent in a world owned by man is the biggest sin in a woman in Europe as well. I was not aware that mouth of rejected men would destroy my reputation and despite the fact what I have done for Humanity, some village-men with a dirty mouth would be enough to encourage a whole village to turn against me. I could not imagine that the words of a villagers will be loud, and I will be the one silenced despite the fact of all of my history. But the truth is, nobody cared. Nobody listened. Nobody believed. I was just a woman WITHOUT 'AN OWNER' who DID NOT GET PERMISSION TO SPEAK. They have different values here. What they call brave here is when thousand fat pigs go against one small girl. I remember asking help from couple of men who looked responsible, and I was blocked out straight or I got the most hurting reply that their village reputation is much more important than to risk it for an 'unknown' (or unowned) girl in danger. Or simply I got the shout at my face to take my 'shit' somewhere else. I was blocked out, and blocked out, and blocked out again. I counted all together and made a list of 34 men who assaulted me in any form verbally or physically at least once. I did not count the women who was triggered against me by these men and attacked me from jelousy. If I found someone who finally listened, it turned out they collected information to know what I like, so they could hurt me deeper to taking away what I cared for when they humiliate me publicly. When I hear story about how they mistreat women in the world, I had this huge alert in me that I have to go there because If I were there, there would be different. I heard about the girls who were taken to Tuam. I came. I believed that I would be the change. They would not dare to do that with me. BUT THE TRUTH IS, THEY DID.